What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 00:42
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She found it foreign!.
What is a good comeback for when someone calls you flat?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
So, i spoilt her more .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
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Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
This is soul school!.
Are you already having anal sex?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was seconnd youngest,
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Why do I get stressed when I go to bed?
So whats the point in blame.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why do untreated borderlines always blame their partners when they actually think they are normal?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Which branch of engineering is better: ECE or Civil?
Who then, do I blame.?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We were not on the streets..
But, we were locked up after school.
She loved him until the end.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
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19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
As i do to all so called friends.?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
What does "feeling like your life is over" mean and why is it not in any dictionary online?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I have no regrets .
Comes on , in middle age.
I never cut or harmed myself..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He knew the spot.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Im still living with it.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
All the time i was locked up.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I waited trembling.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I don,t even have a pension.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I couldn’t, believe it.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But it wasn’t much.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My life is so biszare .
I could never make a relationship work though!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Why did i forgive my father ?
Was to survive, this bastard.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I was scared of men, in general
My family never makes their pension either.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Especially a lifetime of it.
Ive learnt so much.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I write beautiful poetry .
I said to her
I was 9 years of age.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
One cannot live in the past .
I will be 64.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Put me off passion for life!!
She wouldn,t have been !
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She married twice! .
What did i know ?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
It was going to be , some day.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
(And it was in our own minds.)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And i lived it daily.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Would this be the day?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I was very sick at this time too.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She was in good health!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
When she asked me how she looked .
We all went to grammer schools
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He resisted the act ,that day.
I think the readers, may guess!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
On the 31st of Jan this month .